Give a Man a Fish (Random Stories From the Last Few Months)

Give a man a fish, feeds him for a day.

Teach a man to fish, feeds him for a lifetime. 

-Anne Isabella Ritchie

The above quote has been running through my head recently. I often want to take things over, do them myself, save others the pain or work. But this is not helpful for them. And as I am living in this vastly different culture from my own, it is not helpful for people to do this for me either. 

One thing I love about Bangladesh is that I am always learning new things. Whether it is cooking, language learning, cultural events or attending weddings. I have learned to take off my western tinted glasses to see this world around me. Some things I love and somethings I disagree with. I have spent a lot of time discussing with my friends here what is biblical and what is cultural. I am happy to conform to cultural rules as long as they do not interfere with my Biblical worldview. This has been an interesting challenge and lesson we have presented to our youth group kids. My new favorite question to ask them, when I see something cultural that may not be biblical, is to ask "Why do you do that?" and then "What does the Bible say about that?"

It would be very easy to just correct my kids, to "give them a fish" but I want them to become Fishers of Men (Matthew 4:19), so we continue to teach them to fish, to fish for answers and question the world with Jesus tinted glasses. 

My youth group girls dressed in traditional Giholude Sarees

I recently attended a wedding. At the prewedding ceremony, called a Giholude, tumeric is spread on the bride and groom's skin as a blessing and gives their skin a nice glow on their wedding day. (It turns my very pale skin bright yellow). This particular Christian wedding was an arranged marriage. Something I still cannot quite wrap my mind around, but am learning how normal it is here. I talked with my kids and all of them said they would not mind an arranged marriage. Of course, they are all welcome to have a love marriage, but most expect to have an arranged marriages. 

As you can expect this has led to many interesting conversations. And since arranged marriages are very present in the Bible, Alpha and I do not dissuade or discourage this. What we do encourage and teach our kids is to love and honor their spouse, however and whenever they get married. Alpha and I try our best to show appropriate affection to each other in public as an example of what a Biblical, loving marriage looks like. 

Shredding Coconut by had for Bangla curry

I am also learning to 'fish'.... I have written in previous blogs how hard I find it to cook here. But in the last few months I have become more proficient with the help of my mother-in-law. We make everything from scratch here. And though I do not enjoy spending hours in the kitchen, I do feel accomplished when I can put a meal on the table for my family.

Making baskets in art class

Swimming in the pond

As we are teaching our youth group to "fish", I have also been blessed with the opportunity to teach English at a local school to 20 precious, rambunctious little boys. And what started out as English has turned into teaching Art, Swimming and occasionally Science. Needless to say my Bangla is improving very quickly when trying to maintain control in a classroom of 20 boys under the age of 10. 

I had been dying for a swim all summer as it had been consistency over 100 degrees here. So when asked if I wanted to teach swimming I readily agreed. I don't always think before I agree to things... In this case our swimming lessons would be held in the local fishing pond. And yes the water was just as murky, green and smelly as you can see in the picture above. Absolutely no problem for my boys. They swim here a few times a week. I had grand plans for teaching them the breaststroke and diving techniques. But after being handed a fourth dead fish, I was really over it. So I retired to the shore as lifeguard more then teacher. And these boys didn't need a swimming lesson, they are practically fish themselves. Probably wont do that again anytime soon, though I get asked about swimming every week. Sorry Bangladesh, my western side won this round. 

Our new logo 

Our youth group in the new t-shirts

On the other side of ministry Alpha and I had the opportunity to cast our net at a youth event with over 400 students. We attended this event with our youth group and were able to have a table to promote our ministry. We gave out t-shirts and played our new worship music. The positive response we got was overwhelming. The youth at the event were so excited for new worship music. We feel very blessed to have had this opportunity and our youth group really stepped up to help us promote this amazing music ministry. 

Our table at the youth conference

I hope you enjoyed a these random stories from the last few months. Life here is never dull and God is teaching me as much as He is using me to teach other. 

I Have Fallen in Love

Sorov's beautiful smile

We have now been back in Bangladesh for 10 months. There have been many ups and downs, joys and sadness, but above all the Lord has been faithful.

When we were packing up our suitcases, I had grand ideas and plans for what we were going to do here. I could not wait to get back to Bangladesh. I thought I knew what to expect and that life would be dandy. I mean, I had lived in Dhaka for 2 years, how different could Khulna really be?

My sweet Protisha

The thing about Dhaka, well the part of Dhaka that used to I live in, is that it is a little oasis from the reality of the rest of Bangladesh. I lived in the Diplomatic Zone, where you had a western grocery store, coffee shops, even Pizza Hut, KFC and A&W. There is a clothing store that carries my size and foreigners get a 10% discount! All of these things I took for granted because I thought it was normal. Khulna, on the other hand, was where I would go on vacation to see my in-laws. Alpha and I always had a wonderful few days, or even a couple weeks being away from the hustle and bustle of overcrowded Dhaka. What I didn't realize was how different Khulna was, or should I say how unrealistic the Diplomatic Zone set my expectations.

Sorov talks to me a mile a minute!

In Khulna, though it is a city, they have no coffee. I mean real coffee, not Nescafe instant coffee (that is everywhere). Our little western style grocery store is a blessing and I would not know how to survive without it, but they do not carry boneless meat or chicken, cold dairy products like cheese and it is always a surprise what you will find on the shelves, and how much you will have to pay for things.

But with the reality that Khulna is not Dhaka settling in, I had to get creative and step outside my comfort zone. I learned how to make cheese and pasta at home. I got past my anxiety of going to the market to pick out a live chicken, watch it be killed and then take it home and figure out how to de-bone it so I could make some American food. Practical skills that I was not taught in school. I planted a garden so I could make a salad, which if you ask my mom is a big deal because I hated working in the garden growing up. And all this while being immersed in language learning.

Anik and Shuvo (he is at boarding school in Dhaka)

My husband gets asked often if I speak Bangla. His typical response has been "She speaks a little (alpo)." Until recently I have been upgraded to "She speaks more or less well (mota-moti)" or he will even say "Why don't you ask her?" Shock and Aww! My husband sees me improving!

Alpha, Oli, Samir, Anik, Joy

I have to credit this improvement to "my kids". The kids, teens and young adults that live on our compound, attend youth group and play board games with me. They don't speak English and at first, we had a lot of awkward silences, confusion, and miscommunication. But they leaned into that discomfort, pushing me to try harder and that's when it happened. That is when I started to fall in love with Khulna. More specifically with each of the kids that didn't care if my grammar was terrible or if I didn't know what on earth they were saying. But they still wanted to be my friend. They wanted to spend time with me. I get greeted with hugs when they get home from school and I get yelled at as I walk down the street past their homes "Boudi! Boudi!" (My title here).

Madohri, Sorov, Protisha, and Synthia

Alpha and I came here to do music ministry, to run a recording studio, but God had different, bigger plans. Yes, we are still doing the Studio, we are still working with youth to write worship music, but we have also become youth leaders/pastors. We have been gifted with young lives that have become so precious to us, to me. I could not imagine how my life would be without them here. During Christmas break, when all the kids were home, was the sweetest time I have had in Bangladesh. I mourned when they had to go back to school, some to boarding school far away, and I have had to readjust my expectations of not seeing them every day and having game nights every night. I now savor the small moments I get with them. Whether it is watching Sorov fly his kite and play with Ember (my dog), sitting with Madohri and Protisha in the sunshine, texting with Joy and Gilbert.

I have absolutely fallen in love with each of them. These special, precious lives that God created. The early days here I spent a lot of time and energy trying to find other foreigners here, hiding in my house or planning trips to visit my friends in Dhaka. But now, my joy comes when I am with my kids. We still struggle to communicate, but they are helping me, not letting me get away with my terrible grammar. And as they teach me Bangla, I teach them a few English words, and between the group of us, we can understand each other. I would not trade this time, even when it is hard, for anything in the world!

Proma, Brishti and Srishti

The boys after a Pre-Christmas race

Shuvo, Joy, Anik, Oli, and Samir

After our Pre-Christmas Program

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Abraham's Blessing and Bangladeshi Tea

Having Tea on the Train

I was having devotions with my mom, via Skype, and as we read I realized something that made the Bible come to life like never before. And it only came to life this way through the cultural lens of my life here in Bangladesh. So I thought I would share it with you, so that you may also experience the Bible, the Story of Abraham, and the culture of Bangladesh in a new way.

Please turn with me to Genesis 17 and 18. (ESV is quoted below.)

Starting in Gen. 17: 15

15 And God said to Abraham, “As for Sarai your wife, you shall not call her name Sarai, but Sarah shall be her name. 16 I will bless her, and moreover, I will give you a son by her. I will bless her, and she shall become nations; kings of peoples shall come from her.” 17 Then Abraham fell on his face and laughed and said to himself, “Shall a child be born to a man who is a hundred years old? Shall Sarah, who is ninety years old, bear a child?” 18 And Abraham said to God, “Oh that Ishmael might live before you!” 19 God said, “No, but Sarah your wife shall bear you a son, and you shall call his name Isaac. I will establish my covenant with him as an everlasting covenant for his offspring after him. 20 As for Ishmael, I have heard you; behold, I have blessed him and will make him fruitful and multiply him greatly. He shall father twelve princes, and I will make him into a great nation. 21 But I will establish my covenant with Isaac, whom Sarah shall bear to you at this time next year.”

Bangladesh's famous 7 Layer Tea

This is the amazing start to the promise, the covenant God made with Abraham. There are many commentaries, articles, and speakers who have talked about how Abraham laughed and the miracle about Sarah’s age to give birth to a child. But I want to jump to something not often looked at. Verse 20, I underlined “As for Ishmael, I have heard you.” Just a few verses before Abraham pleaded with God to allow Ishmael to be the one through whom God would make a great nation (Isaac was not yet born), and God said ‘no’, but even though He said ‘no’, He also ‘heard’ Abraham’s plea and blessed Ishmael. As Christians, we are blessed through the promise passed through Isaac, but the descendants of Ishmael were also blessed, in a different way, in wealth and numbers, and you would know them as Muslims. Islam came from the line of Ishmael, in the Qur’an it talks about Ishmael being the blessed son on Abraham and then follows his line of decedents, where Christians follow the blessed line of Isaac. This is some important background information for you, but not the main point of what I discovered today.

Let us continue in chapter 18:

1 And the Lord appeared to him by the oaks of Mamre, as he sat at the door of his tent in the heat of the day. 2 He lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, three men were standing in front of him. When he saw them, he ran from the tent door to meet them and bowed himself to the earth 3 and said, “O Lord, if I have found favor in your sight, do not pass by your servant. 4 Let a little water be brought, and wash your feet, and rest yourselves under the tree, 5 while I bring a morsel of bread, that you may refresh yourselves, and after that you may pass on—since you have come to your servant.” So they said, “Do as you have said.” 6 And Abraham went quickly into the tent to Sarah and said, “Quick! Three seahs of fine flour! Knead it, and make cakes.” 7 And Abraham ran to the herd and took a calf, tender and good, and gave it to a young man, who prepared it quickly. 8 Then he took curds and milk and the calf that he had prepared, and set it before them. And he stood by them under the tree while they ate.

Wow! I might as well have underlined the entire section. I know you are thinking, “What Emily? Abraham had some guests over and fed them.” First of all, it was the LORD! and as for the rest, I will break it down for you.

Tea Stall

It is hot in Bangladesh. I mean really HOT. Averaging 95 to 105 degrees Fahrenheit at midday.  So as Abraham ‘sat at the door of his tent in the heat of the day’ there was not much else to do during this time. I understand this. When it is that hot all you can do really is sit in the shade, usually napping or resting. From my window, I can see the women of our compound sitting in the shade at high noon doing each others hair, or laying in their houses under the fan. Men might be sitting in tea stalls having a cup, chatting, but definitely not moving much. It is too hot!

Tea Stall

In this heat-induced sleepiness Abraham looked up and “When he saw them, he ran from the tent door to meet them and bowed himself to the earth.” Now we don’t do much running at high heat here, but remember Abraham was a nomad, if someone was at his tent they were coming to see him. In Bangladesh, when we are out walking, in town or in the villages, people are always stopping and inviting us in. If someone comes to our compound they are invited in. And if it is someone you respect (an elder, or older relative) you “pronam” which means you touch their feet when you greet them. Abraham was meeting the Lord, so he did more than “pronam”, he threw his face into the dirt in reverence and respect. “O Lord, if I have found favor in your sight, do not pass by your servant.” He invited them in.

“Let a little water be brought, and wash your feet,” when looking at this verse we often think of Jesus washing the disciples' feet as an act of service. In Bangladeshi culture, you take your shoes off at the door not only to someone’s house, but to the church, the mosque, even a small shop or store. It is dusty here, DUSTY and muddy. You take off your shoes out of respect for the area you are walking into. But as we all wear flip-flops, our feet are often very dusty. Now we don’t wash each other’s feet but you do wash your feet as often as you can, I do almost every time I walk back into my house after being out.

Next Abraham says “while I bring a morsel of bread”. This makes me smile because read the rest of the section. Not only does he have Sarah make some bread he “ran to the herd and took a calf, tender and good, and gave it to a young man, who prepared it quickly. 8 Then he took curds and milk and the calf that he had prepared, and set it before them.” He put together an entire feast! If you visit someone’s house in Bangladesh, they will serve you tea. But not just tea, tea and fruit or biscuits or cake, sometimes all three. And if you are there near a meal time, you will be fed and fed well. It does not matter how rich or poor the family you are with, they will give you the best they have. Abraham killed a calf for his guests. They would not leave hungry. And what did Abraham do while they ate? “And he stood by them under the tree while they ate.” He watched them eat, at the ready to meet any needs they might have, he did not eat with them, because he wanted them to eat their fill and he would take what was left, not even once thinking about himself.

This confused and frustrated me so much in Bangladesh, until this morning when I realized how Biblical this culture is. When at someone's house the hostess will invite you in and then be busy getting your tea and making your food. You are usually left in the room alone (if only the hostess is there) while she prepares everything, maybe 5 or maybe 20 minutes. The visits here are not just a quick stopover. It takes time. Time that my Western self thought was being wasted, “why can’t they just hurry up?” or “I don’t even want tea!” until today when I saw how Biblical it really is. How everything they do here is out of respect and love for the guest at their home.

Bangladesh Tea Gardens

So why did I bring up Ishmael in the first part of this revelation? Because Bangladesh is a Muslim country. And Islam is not just a religion, it is an entire culture, that started that day God promised to bless not only Abraham’s line through Isaac, but to also bless the line of Ishmael. This is was how Ishmael was raised, and that culture has been carried on from generation to generation for thousands of years, to where here in Bangladesh being served a cup of tea, is not because you like tea, it is because you are being blessed by your hostess’s love for serving you.

So next time I am in the Director of the Passport and Visas office and twenty people come and go in the 2 hours I am there, and he serves each and everyone a cup of tea, I will not complain that “this is taking soooo long” but instead think of Abraham serving the Lord in the heat of the day and be blessed that my life is the collision of the two blessing the Lord poured out upon Abraham’s two sons.

Having 7 Layer Tea

 

This Lesson Hurts

Let’s be honest… I didn’t want to write this post. As I write I am still battling with myself on what to say. Usually I am so excited to write about what we are doing and the adventure the Lord is leading us on and the lessons He is teaching us.  But these last two months have been more lessons than adventures and lets just say I miss the adventures. It is easy to share an adventure with you, it is much harder to admit the lessons the Lord has had to teach me… again.

Patience. My lesson. I am so ready to be over this lesson of Patience… Ironic? When I lived in Africa after high school, one of my leaders told me “Don’t pray for patience. If you do, God will only test your patience until you learn to have patience.” I often catch myself saying “God, I didn’t pray for patience!” and thus my lesson continues.

Patience in ministry . There are so many exciting things to get done, but we have to wait for the Lord’s timing not ours. Example: We are so excited to start construction on the Recording Studio!... in July. Which is much sooner then we anticipated, so I should be praising not moaning.

Patience in marriage. This is a lesson that will never end, and I don’t want it to end. Loving my husband through all his faults is hard, but I can’t imagine loving me through all of mine. I am thankful for his not-always-patient patience with me as I am learning to be patient with him.

Patience in motherhood, wanting to be a mother. Wow, this is it. This is the reason I didn't want to write this post. Not only am I learning patience here, I am also having to be reminded that God’s timing and plan is perfect. And only His timing and plan is perfect, not mine. No matter how much I wish or pray or moan or cry. Still I will choose to trust in Him. The patience is there, in trusting Him.

So Lord,

Tonight I pray for patience.

Because I know that You will be with me through all the testing of my patience.

And I don't want to face my impatience without You.

I am ready for Your lessons.

Why Do Missionaries Cost So Much!

In high school, when a teenager is trying to figure out their life, who they are and what they want to be, I said I did not want to be a missionary. I wanted to teach internationally or work for an embassy because I new I wanted to live overseas, but I did NOT want to raise my money, I wanted to be paid.

How selfish and untrusting of me. By saying this I was not willing to let God control my life, I wanted to be in charge! But God has a funny way of changing our hearts and showing us the joys of relying on Him. I could have married a mid- west lawyer and live in suburbia with a white picket fence, maybe a horse or two. I could have studied International Relations and gone on to work for an Embassy. But I didn't. Because God said no.

God took my fear of raising money and showed me that He is bigger then fear and He is bigger then money and it all belongs to Him anyway, so why was I living in fear?

I wish it didn't cost so much for Alpha and I to be missionaries. I wish I did not have to ask people directly to support us. I wish my update letters and Facebook posts did not have to track our progress or ask for more supports. It is humbling, sometimes humiliating. But God does not want us to do it on our own. Ephesians 2:8-9 says "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast."

It is a gift from God that we get raise support, so that those who cannot go can still be a partner with us in reaching others for Christ. It is a gift from God that we can rely on Him and not our own strength, because we would never be able to do it on our own.

If you are interested in reading an article that answers questions "why missionaries cost so much" or why we ask for so many supporters please read it here: http://reachingandteaching.org/2016/02/missionaries-cost-much.html

Preparing our Hearts

As Alpha and I are preparing to go back the Bangladesh, our organization sent us a link to "things missionaries would have liked to know before heading to the field". I wanted to share some of the list with you. I am by no means a veteran missionary. I have limited experience, but am passionate about sharing my small experience in order to help others avoid some mistakes I have made.

"I wish I had known how difficult missions really is." This one is so hard to explain, there are so many things that go into being in a different country, learning a new culture, language, transportation system, how the government works and how to go grocery shopping. It is hard to explain to people that have never been out of their country, but the daily things you do, that you don;t even think about in your home country, become daunting tasks that take all your energy and will power.

"I wish I had had more realistic expectations." It is not all "summer camp", things do not run smoothly, things go wrong, over and over and over again. Sharing Christ means having a relationship and relationships take time. Years, not days and not months, but years of work before you may see fruit, and in the end that "fruit" may only be a planted seed. 

"I wish I had known more about myself and being patient." I am not a person that likes to sit and do nothing, but in reality starting a mission is a lot of waiting.... and waiting.... and some more waiting.... Learning the language takes time and can be lonely, but it is not forever. You will learn and you will be able to make friends. Having a plan, but being flexible is so important. Being able to just do life while you are waiting is important. Make friends is important. But trusting the Lord and knowing that His timing is perfect is the most important.

"I wish I had known that we would be nearly forgotten by those who had been closest to us." When I read this one my heart hurt, because unfortunately it is true. Living overseas means you lose deep friendships with people back home. It means you have to make extra effort to reach out and keep relationships going. Having relationships with people back home is not all about raising money and being fully supported. It is about having people you know will be here for you even when they are thousands of miles away. That is the reason we need supports, not for the money but for the support, love, prayers and friendships. When a missionary invites you to visit their country, they really mean it. They want your friendship and they want to share with you the worlds they live in. If you get the chance to love on a missionary it means everything to them.

"I wish I’d known how amazing it was going to be!"
Missionaries give up their entire lives, friends and family to serve the Lord. It is not easy, it breaks hearts, wears people down, culture shock, home sickness and depression are realities, but through all of that the rewards of serving the Lord with your entire being are unimaginable and indescribable. Because if you can make it through the language and culture learning you will discover the abundance of people thirsting for Jesus and sharing His love brings a joy that you cannot compare.

Thank you for praying with Alpha and I as we are facing these struggles, but knowing that the reward will be worth more then anything we can imagine.

I did not write about all the questions so you can read the entire article here: http://www.askamissionary.com/question/31

Are You Ready? We Are Ready!

Here we go! Alpha and I are launching our new ministry! We have joined Global Grace Fellowship and are starting our journey back to Bangladesh. Below is our new website! Get excited! We are excited!  Click on the "News" tab to hear two of Alpha's new songs. Support information is under Donate and Alpha and I would be happy to come speak at your church or small group. Send me an email emillermk@gmail.com. 

Alpha Studio Bangladesh